First time for everything

My first pang of homesickness happened today and it went like this:

I spent a couple hours in the book store this morning reading the times and drinking coffee. Someone on the sidewalk was smoking a pipe and I got to savor the smell of it every time someone walked in Barnes and Noble. Then I went and bought shoes. Then I went on a mini photo walk by myself.

Then I came home, and I was hungry.

And then I thought this: "I want a grilled cheese. Actually, I want Moms grilled cheese."

So obviously I can't have grilled cheese now because it just won't be the same.

Welcome back

I want to write things because I hope people will want to read things. But that doesn't make sense. And that is why, every time I start typing in this tiny box, I stop typing, because I don't feel like I can write very well any more.

I do feel like I'm good at: taking pictures, watching project runway, living alone, being in Chicago, internet stalking, thinking bad things about boys fashion, etc.

But I like writing, and I miss writing, and now I'm in an English class so I will be writing more, and I plan on doing it here.

So, if you're here, and you're bored, I'm sorry. I can't promise my writing won't be boring, but I guess I am promising that it will be here.

In So Many Words

What I thought to be Deja Vu has turned out to be panic attacks. Sometimes I think I hear voices at night when I'm falling asleep, but can't be sure I'm not just beginning to dream. A mosquito bite was, in fact, a spider bite. I suspect a tumor; just a knot in my back.

And it continues.

Dear today, you suck.

Seriously. I am so happy to see today go. The following things all happened today. Really. They really did. My brain took a vacaaaaaaation.

1. I put Dawn in the dishwasher. You're not supposed to that. I walked into the kitchen 15 minutes after starting the washer to find suds and hot water literally spilling out onto the floor, which was already covered in a fairly large puddle.
I spent the next couple of hours scooping thick soap out of the dishwasher, running it, letting it spill out, repeat, repeat, repeat.

2. My first roll of film that I ever ever ever shot got exposed and my first 36 frames are just gone.

3. I burnt a lean cuisine. in a microwave. I didn't know this was possible.

And the grand finale... get ready for it...

4. I left my car running... as I strolled two blocks to starbucks... got a coffee... strolled back... and then noticed.

Made Me Happy Today

1. caterpillars on Josh's front porch
2. playing fetch with Neko over and over and over
3. caterpillars crawling on my legs
4. The bump with Hayley and good conversation
5. discussing homeless people stories with Josh and Maddie
6. thinking of Chicago
7. text message from Jordon about how great next school year will be
8. Mr. Caldwell wasn't there!
9. I thought there were no cookies left in the cafeteria, and there were
10. My FAFSA finally fucking went through!!!!!
11. windows down all afternoon
12. Steaz diet black cherry green tea soda
13. talking mannerisms, and finding out that I say, "inneresting," and everyone else says, "intresting."
14. making a list
15. my dad
16. the sun
17. not caring enough about AP exams to know when they are
18. doing laundry so that I will have clean clothes
19. wearing shorts
20. feeling pretty
21. feeling better
22. Multiple Choice AP Lit practice tests
23. "Ethnic Poetry" by Julio Marzan

non-iversary

I don't know how to say what it is. It's 365 days. Actually, it's 366. Leap year. Who knew.

A year ago this morning, I woke up and got SCREWED.
And now, today, everything is alright. It's better than that, though. It's great. I'm happy. I'm thrilled. I'm ecstatic. I'm in love. It's cool.

A year ago today, numbers impacted my life more than I was ever going to let them.
A year ago today, I was throwing up and crying and couldn't eat.
A year ago today, I'd never been to Chicago, and thought maybe I'd never go.
A year ago today, it was impossible to explain myself.

And now here I am. I'm 18, in discrete mathematics, ready for lunch already, love Chicago and will be living there, and if you ask me to explain myself, I am fully prepared to admit everything. Because it got me here, and I love it here.

Lived on the red and blue

Never have missed anything as much.